from now on my penis is your penis
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
