Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
