You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
