ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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