if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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