I CAN MOONWALK!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
