went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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