I think I died a long time ago.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
