tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
