bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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