just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
