I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize