Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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