So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How naked do you want me to be?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
