It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize