before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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