It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i love accidental penises.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
