I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
