She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
