6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to make out with him forever
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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