I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
