dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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