why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize