I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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