There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
