What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
