I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
