so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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