On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize