Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
