it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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