Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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