just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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