i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
