I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
