hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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