we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The power of my boobs compel you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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