I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
