I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There are leaves in my underwear?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
