My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
