I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
