You just made me feel so damn special
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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