he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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