I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
