She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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