True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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