I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
