I just threw up on my dentist
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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