I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
