i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize