If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
