Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
