Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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