You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
