..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
