She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i think my cat just said my name.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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