take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
