went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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