So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize