If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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