he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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