Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
