I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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