At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
