Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
