they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
