I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
