Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
