mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
