Your dad touched me again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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