check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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