tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
