My first STD was from a foam party
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
