Nicole vs. Life
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize