Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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