Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
