I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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