There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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