"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
